lately i’ve been pairing my breakfast with a friendly kickintheshorts from this guy::
he picks apart fantastic books and breaks them down into 10 minute video clips of the main ideas. and makes a living off of doing these sorts of things.
yesterday he suggested i write down 100 questions. just any 100 questions that might bubble up from this odd little stew of consciousness.
it took brian about an hour to complete this task. it took me about a day. (it takes a while to get places when you’re going in 4erso different directions. i’m in no rush.)
.1.why is it so easy to forget to do the things that make me happy.2.why do i keep falling back into habits that take me in the wrong direction. (they are fun in the moment, a nice escape, a way to pretend i won’t eventually have to deal with these things).3.how can i remind myself that the escape thing doesn’t really work.4.why is the trashman a day late this week.5.why do i keep ignoring my only recurring dream (i’m trying to get somewhere but never make it because i’m too busy gathering up all this STUFF).6.what am i afraid to let go of.7.why.8.what am i waiting for.9.what do i need in this life.10.why does my anklebone still hurt.11.why am i so self absorbed.12.how can i do the most amount of good in this world.13.who do you think you’re fooling.14.why elephants.15.how can consciousness result from a combination of tangible, concrete processes.16.how do i make sure THAT doesn’t happen again.17.what’s next.18.how do i stop thinking about what’s next.19.are you my mother.20.how can i sustain myself via a combination of the things i love.21.how can i know the things i love won’t stop being the things i love at some point.22.why should that be a problem if it happens. (it shouldn’t).23.how do i keep the good in a person in mind once i’ve seen the bad.24.why do i let that tiny nugget of bad overshadow the much bigger bit of good sometimes.25.can someone love all of this when there’s still so much that needs fixing.26.why don’t you lighten up a little.27.what kind of doodoo do you do.28.just who are you exactly.29.do you really need to answer that.30.can you ever really answer that.31.have you always been able to answer that and are just afraid.32.(you have, haven’t you).33.what are you afraid of??.34.what are you looking for. (stop it. stop doing that. mom says if you ever get lost, stay in one place. she’ll come find you).35.what do you get when you drop a white hat into the red sea. (a wet hat).36.if i pretend to be a little better than i am, will i eventually become that.37.who do you think you’re fooling.38.haven’t we been here before.39.should i maybe neutralize a bit instead of balancing with all this up and down.40.maybe ease into this a bit more slowly?.41.how to accept what i am when i know that will change?.42.how do i stop pretending.43.how do i tell you that i have a tendency to obsess over things.44.and that i (try to) keep that in check by making those things positive?.45.or should i maybe be working on the obsession part instead.46.will you stick with me for a while even though all of this is subject to change.47.how do i figure out what really matters (you already know. just be still for a moment and listen).48.how do i not worry about the things that don’t (matter).49.how can i fix anything in this world when there’s so much of me that needs fixing (just like everything else. a lil’ at a time. TRUST what feels like the right direction. good stuff inside will make its way out).50.did you know that every day i’m a little terrified of what i’m doing.51.am i being too selfish.52.lazy? .53.evil? .54.manipulative? .55.deluded? .56. am i ready for any sort of responsibility.57.what is getting in the way of what i really need to do with this life.58.did i really just remove a three foot garter snake from my bathroom.59.how can i make myself listen to my own advice.60.why is my shell so much thicker around some people (that i care about most) than others.61.how important is a long attention span.62.how much longer can i do this without some assistance (as if you don’t have SO much assistance as it is. thank you everyone who helps me on a daily basis. i can only hope i am helping you as much as you help me).63.i guess a romantic relationship is what i’m hinting at? (can’t really wonder about such things. they’ll happen as they should) .64.how can my hands still smell like snake? .65.why don’t you listen when body tells you you’re doing something wrong.66.hoosier daddy.67.how to remain balanced in a world that is not.68.how much of this is making life better.69.what is it about roaches that makes them somuch creepier than any other bug that size.70.are you there god? (it’s me. margaret).71.where do you find (see, hear, feel) god.72.can you tell me which flower’s gonna grow.73.is it gonna be a daisy or rose (bet hanson knows).74.may i have this dance.75.will you remember that i love you even if i don’t always act like it.76.will food ever stop being such a dominant force in my life (yes).77.why can’t i remember that picking hangnails leads to bloody fingers.78.am i just one big cliche.79.how’s the weather up there.80.what comes after forever.81.you wake up one morning alone on a very large floating coconut, a coconut the size of…(82)…why are all these size references sports related(football field, baseball stadium)…so the coconut…the radius.. stand on one shore and throw a rock as far as you can. now go pick it up. do it again. there. that’s halfway across. so this coco-island is a perfectly balanced ecosystem. at least now that you’re there. it had been slightly out of whack up until the moment you washed ashore. now it is -perfect.- you can live the rest of your life in perfect balance with your coco-environment. with very little effort. but no humans. you can see another (populated) island within swimming distance but if you leave, you can’t come back. do you go for a swim.83.how long do you wait before doing so.84.how do actors know how to stop acting.85.are we there yet.86.when are you going to learn that you always have been (t)here).87.what IS that.88.can i get a pause.89.fireflies or lightning bugs.90.are you experienced.91.’how do we not go crazy. we who have found ourselves compelled to live with the circle, the ellipsis, the word not yet written.’92.what’s another word for bombardment.93.how can my hands STILL smell like snake.94.is this thing on.95.why oh why did she swallow that fly.96.how can you exist if tomorrow’s passed you by.97.wouldn’t it be nice if the enemy were something other than ourselves.98.won’t you be my unicorn.99.what’s your favorite means of human interaction.100.would you like a lollipop???
101.shall we continue….