I think I’ve always told myself that making a living as an ‘artist’ would involve entirely too much ego and that’s been sort of clogging my view of the whole idea for a long time. What would ‘making a living as an artist’ even look like? I think by definition it means living your life as a creative process, being comfortable with the fact that you don’t know exactly where the things that you do are going to take you but you live by your passion and know that just following that allows things to fall into place as they will and that it’s ok to get distracted from YOUR GOAL at times because there is no goal really you’re always there so long as you are doing what you know in your gut to be what is good for you and never allow any one thing to completely take over as THE THING YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO which is always a tendency since we’re always looking for patterns a way to nail things down place them together in neat little ordered rows it’s just way too easy to get distracted and annoyed by the miniscule and assume that the annoyance is the fault of that thing outside of us instead of us because then it’s that thing that needs to change CERTAINLY not us but these ‘changes’ aren’t physical things you need to do just a constant rewiring of natural thought patterns yes you might see to the root of it but all you really have to do is look at it and it all makes sense for some reason we just think that looking at it is eversoscary only because we never have before just doing it clearly shows us it’s a good thing to do but then the next time that thing comes along we’re like o man I thought I already looked at you no screw that I don’t want to look again you mean I didn’t perfectly deal with that the first time well pooooooooooop I’m going to distract myself for a minute here and not fully enjoy life cause I’m trying to distract myself with this thing but wait I’m actually enjoying the distraction so that’s fine too that THING isn’t going to grow fangs and eat my soul while I’m catching up with Community [kevin bobby you were right about the 4th season. Not quite the same but still entertaining] that thing isn’t even actually a thing chill out you’ll address it when necessary.
I’m not going to even think about editing this until I’m finished and maybe I won’t even then just get out each little word that pops into my brainspace you might not think it’s the most interesting thing but this is for me anyway there’s always this mild worry of offending someone I’ve got such a variety of Facebook friends and any one of them could happen upon this there’s no way each one of my Facebook friends will agree with what I choose to put out into plain view but it’s my decision and I am sorry if any of this offends you but I’ve been feeling dishonest lately, just hiding from tiny little things crawling back inside myself a bit but that’s ok that happens sometimes gotta burrow inside and do a little tinkering, just notice how horrible even the slightest mistruth feels and just HOLY COW there’s a lot of information around here it gets a little overwhelming sometimes especially since a huge portion of it is entirely useless crap but that useless crap just feels so nice sometimes just utter white noise which probably isn’t really useless white noise serves a fantastic purpose in fact so get down off that horse with very long legs and just relax. Everything is as it should be. Shhhhhhhhhhh. I love you.